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step into my insanity...

DISCLAIMER:: Do not read if you have eleven toes. Serious side effects may include: raging and trolling.

I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. Everyone needs to stop breaking everything down into their ugliest parts and explaining things. don’t see things for each microscopic atom that makes itself into something so much larger. Whoever made them, made them impossible to see, so obviously they aren't meant to be. try to go places that you’ve never been allowed to, to see things that no one else ever has. Fact is, we will die. But the goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. something like a landmark, a piece of art, or even just a memory, as long as you get credit. society is making an ideal picture that i don’t want to be apart of.-Crystal Bassous

I am a free willed type of person who creates styles for the fun of it;
A human dynamite, don't trigger me- I may explode anytime.
AN EXQUISITE ELEMENT of the periodic table, unlikely you'll ever know.
I hate people who do not study for exams, you need to work for what you want.
optimistic, there'll always be a rainbow after a rain, no matter how aggressive the rain is, just look for that silver lining in life.
Nothing can stop me from reaching my dreams !
Sometimes I can be a little crazy , okay.. insane
What's my secret to happiness? Music, family, friends and love ♪ just press play . ►
Sarah
Sixteen.
Canadian.Portuguese.Guyanese.
Scorpio.
Catholic.
Musician./Photographer/Doodler/Writer

Jeez, I just realized how annoying it is when I remember this late at night to make a blog post. I really should start doing this in the day time when I am not as tired or anything, then the day's memories would still be fresh in my mind.

Well, basically today was uneventful, minus getting locked out of my house, walking about twenty minutes to find my sister who also didn't have a key, so I ended up talking to some friends and walking back. Kind of weird, this kid I just recently met, saw him walking and yelled hello, he's a sweet kid, but just as I was asking him to borrow his cell phone, my mom pulled into the drive way, jeez, timing is impeccable sometimes.

But yeah, don't know where my dad is, kind of freaking out slightly, he usually isn't out this late, or at least he calls and checks in....he's been acting weird lately, I'm not sure if everything that's happened and that is happening is finally hitting him or what, I am so confused right now, no one talks to me anymore, and I find myself closing into my own personal bubble too. I'm just afraid that he went off and did something stupid...

Z.

Today was a pretty decent day I guess. Went to see Terminator Salvation, to be honest, I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, and pretty make shaking from the intensity of the entire movie.

Anyways, my day went pretty well, cannot complain very much or anything, it was just a day. Fourth period never fails to make me happy, the teacher is great, the class is great, and of course, that certain someone is in that class to. All the more reason to smile and be happy, or whatever.
Wow, it's funny how someone's smile can make your entire day. Like, you see it, and you get all tingly inside and you're just bubbly...just bubbly. What a wonderful feeling.
To think that I wanted to give up that feeling altogether.

Got into a fight with one of my closest friends, I probably have mentioned him a few times, it was a scary fight, he actually yelled at me for the first time ever. Like I've known him for almost two years...and he's never yelled at me, until yesterday night. I hate hate hate it when people raise their voice at me, even when it's my fault or something, I think it's unnecessary.
Blah, whatever I'm not getting into that, such a stupid situation that probably could have been avoided...

Discovered, okay well...not by myself really, but there's this guitarist Andy Mckee, he's pretty freaking insane at guitar, really like his music, probably download some of his stuff haha. Really good, great for pick me up days.

Anyways, until tomorrow...
Z.

P.S. if you haven't already guessed, I am planning on making a post everyday, even if my day wasn't interesting, until I get a video camera, this will be my blog until I can start vlogging ...haha.

P.P.S as much as a nerd that that makes me sound....haha


So I'm reading this book by John Green, who I really love, his books are fantastic and he has this funny youtube channel with his brother, Hank. Anyways the book is called Paper Towns, it is pretty good so far, not really getting the the mysterious part, well I am but I am not sure what to make of it yet.


So, sadly, today is the one year anniversary of Mario and Ilko's tragic accident, and honestly, I cannot believe it's been a whole year. It's scary to think how people can just pick up and move on with their lives in such a short time, I'm not saying people will forget, but life does go on. I wish that I had gotten to meet them and get to know them, when I think about it, I sometimes find myself wracking my brains trying to think of a time when I saw one of those boys in the hallway, or bumped into them, but unfortunately no such memory exists. I do not think I crossed paths with these boys, because they weren't any different then any face I see everyday, which makes me even more upset, because they changed a lot of lives, and of course, lost theirs.

Alright, it's late, just wanted to get that out of my system, couldn't seem to find anyone to talk to about it since today was actually terrible, well, after school mostly.

Z.

Hero Of War


I'm so exhausted, so this is going to be extremely short.

Today was actually a pretty fantastical day, and yes, I know fantastical is not a word, but shh.
Anyways, I think I'm starting to like this kid in my class...which is like...kind of good and kind of bad, because I'm just setting myself up again for heart break, but then again, you always get that little voice that says ,"lets try it one last time". Of course it never really is the last time.
Is it?


Z.


So basically, I'm doing much better than last time I freaked out of course...ha ha?
Only trouble right now is that I am not ever again speaking to Rosic. He's an asshole. A seductive, perverted, asshole. No need to get into to detail of exactly why I do not wish to ever talk to this kid again, but we'll see how long I can actually hold a grudge because, in this situation, I am pretty sure I can keep it for a very long time. And I usually never hold grudges, never. The longest grudge or maybe not grudge, but I guess a streak of not talking to someone ever is about a year and I'm still going on that, so maybe, hopefully, I can never talk to him ever again, which may be possible because graduation is in near sight...

Speaking of graduation, I have a bit of a choice to make, I either play at the graduation mass in band which really be fun because we get to play Jupiter. Or not go to the band thing and go on a field trip for science to Bronte Creek or something and just have fun there. If I go on the field trip, I really wouldn't have any classes either, which means, no Schiller. So I think the field trip sounds pretty nice right about now.

God, this divorce thing is really just fucking destroying everything. Actually. No scratch that, it's my father that's making everything ten times fucking worse. Always accusing my mother of shit, dropping hints that she can't raise me and my sister, always lying, fucking up her bills and shit, honestly, he's fucking 60 something years old, to think that he would act his fucking age and stop acting like a child. This is his second divorce, so hmmm I am sensing a pattern here... But seriously, he should know the drill, he wants to fight my mother for custody, but that's fucking stupid too, because me and my sister are old enough to make a decision on which parent we want to live with, and obviously, it's not psycho over here.
I just don't understand why he's doing this to us, my mom blames herself, but she's not as depressed now, she's just pissed off at my father. But hopefully, I won't lose it between now and when we move, hopefully....


Z.



Oh my, this made me giggle. I simply love College Humor.

As you maybe can tell, my mood has lifted slightly, slightly. Except for the fact that my father is driving my entire family insane with his whole charade with this messy divorce. My mom isn't happy, she doesn't want him around and he really should understand that and stop acting like a child trying to get me and my sister on his side. It's ridiculous.
Note to self: don't get married.
Z.

I am so SICK AND TIRED
and it's not just something silly.
It's fucking EVERYTHING.
I can't stand it anymore, I'm miserable all the fucking time.
I hate it
I hate everything
and I hate feeling this way all the time, fuck.


Okay, now that that is over with, I feel a whole lot better. Sort of.
Lately, things have been rough, Ten Second Epic concert on Saturday night was fun though, basically the only highlight of my weekend, plus my new guitar haha that I am slowly and painfully (callused fingers) learning to play.
So anyways, nothing much has happened lately, well actually there was that one big thing on Sunday night, but no biggie, what's done is done. Unfortunately, the result I wanted didn't exactly pull through. Even worse, I totally broke my friends heart in the process, not my intention at all, but now I feel really shitty about it, which is definitely not helping me in this situation.
Music Night is on Thursday, really excited to play my trumpet and trombone haha, wonder how I'll manage. My family is coming to hear us play so that's going to be exciting. Also, on Thursday is some Link Crew meeting (yeah, I got in!) so I'm pretty excited for that, plus it means civvies day for us!! And that also means no religion!! woohoo!!
Friday, might plan to go see Star Trek of X-men Origins with a few friends, maybe, not exactly sure who to go with or who is even up to it yet.
Oh well, plans are usually made at the last minute anyways.
Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow, although it's not very likely, I just hate myself a lot.
Z.




I feel like crap.

Oh my, this weekend was quite the adventure I must say.  On Friday I skipped out on a party to hang out with a friend, which was stupid in it's own way because now that "friend" is like "I really like you" and I'm like... shit.  Yesterday was pretty fun too, hung out with some friends from school and slept over at one of hose friends house haha.  We watched Figh Club and Milk.  Which both are actually pretty fantastic movies, so you should go out and rent them right now.

But yes, experienced something pretty gross that night too, not going to lie.  I "blew chunks" for reasons the title should make obvious...haha, I am the lightweight of lightweights, I have realized that much...

Today, I finally went shopping for clothes that actually fit.  Which, sadly enough, was loooonng over due.  Had a barbeque at my older sister's house today, had fun with her two adorable kids, and then went to visit my grandparents since my aunt had come down from Ottawa to visit.

Oh sorry, the title was wrong, it's now "H1N1 Flu" but whatever.  I am so sick and tired of people freaking out like it's SARS.  Ridiculous, even my Religion teacher is like DONT COUGH NEAR ME.

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