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step into my insanity...

DISCLAIMER:: Do not read if you have eleven toes. Serious side effects may include: raging and trolling.

I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. Everyone needs to stop breaking everything down into their ugliest parts and explaining things. don’t see things for each microscopic atom that makes itself into something so much larger. Whoever made them, made them impossible to see, so obviously they aren't meant to be. try to go places that you’ve never been allowed to, to see things that no one else ever has. Fact is, we will die. But the goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. something like a landmark, a piece of art, or even just a memory, as long as you get credit. society is making an ideal picture that i don’t want to be apart of.-Crystal Bassous

I am a free willed type of person who creates styles for the fun of it;
A human dynamite, don't trigger me- I may explode anytime.
AN EXQUISITE ELEMENT of the periodic table, unlikely you'll ever know.
I hate people who do not study for exams, you need to work for what you want.
optimistic, there'll always be a rainbow after a rain, no matter how aggressive the rain is, just look for that silver lining in life.
Nothing can stop me from reaching my dreams !
Sometimes I can be a little crazy , okay.. insane
What's my secret to happiness? Music, family, friends and love ♪ just press play . ►
Sarah
Sixteen.
Canadian.Portuguese.Guyanese.
Scorpio.
Catholic.
Musician./Photographer/Doodler/Writer

I keep contemplating on whether or not to post something. Nothing has happened. Wonderland on Saturday should be fun, maybe...
I do seem to have a problem with a certain guy friend, I hate that he doesn't trust him, because then it makes me feel odd hanging around him, even if we're just friends. But apparently some guys have other things on their agendas...

This weather has been shitty, I hope it doesn't rain anymore, stupid rain.

Nothing else to really tell, although I finally have the general main idea for my book, once I have something actually written down, I will definitely give a sneak preview or whatever.

DFTBA.

I really have fallen in deep haven't I?

Summer.
Summer...
So far, it hasn't been the wondrous adventure as I had thought it would be. But of course, why does that surprise me? It shouldn't, at all.
There's been like one perk in my summer, and that's Matthew. And no, I am not complaining, but I would like to be able to hang out with more people other than my boyfriend, I thought I had friends, good friends, but of course again, I shouldn't be surprised.
I attempt to make plans with people, and they fall through, and of course I never get invited to anything, so really... I just get this message that no one really wants me around, which would be fine, if instead of ostracizing me they just told me face to face that they don't like me, then I could well, do nothing but get over it.
Summer sucks.
I need something to keep me busy, at least with school I had something to do all day you know? Plus I actually talked to people, not now, I'm so bored aha.
Blah, although I don't miss certain people, I have this one...acquaintance that is such a bitch! She's so high strung it's ridiculous, and she just, isn't nice. AAGHH, even thinking about things she says pisses me off, you can't even say hello without her being all pissed off or of course, heaven forbid you ask if something is wrong because it will result in name calling (mostly nosy and shit). Lord have mercy! Oh sorry, saying that probably would piss her off to. *face palm*

For the first time I know for sure that I'm in love. I could write a thousand songs about how I feel, of course if I really think about it, most of them would be extremely similar to each other aha.





"The whole world is watching, you haven't come this far to fall off the earth..."

I truly believe that Jack's Mannequin is the best band I have ever heard, possibly. Their lyrics are so amazing, and they are one of the very few artists that I like the entire album instead of a few songs at hand. I'm excited for their music video "Swim" to come out, I think it comes out tomorrow so I'm pretty stoked for that.

I could say that life is going pretty well, but I would be lying. Ever had that nagging guilt of being happy for even a single moment, when you know someone close to you is suffering at that same time?

Seeing Harry Potter (hopefully) with my dad on Sunday night, really don't want to though, my dad is really...well, annoying. Don't get me wrong, I love him, I really do, but I love him from a distance. I hate when he's around me and sees my friends or something and just...creeps! It's really embarrassing, and I'm sure he doesn't mean it or anything but that's the way it comes across. Blaah, my dad... he acts like such a child sometimes, like today he got pissed off because we wanted the inflatable mattress so that my niece could sleepover on it and he gets all pissy, drops it off, rings the doorbell and takes off in his car without a single word. Like seriously? Even I don't do that. Okay, I can do that sometimes, but there's a difference; I'm 15, he's 60 something.

"You can breathe but the air is running out for you..."






What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind


July 11 was the last day of your life wasn't it love? And you know what? We all fucking miss you to death.
If heaven has facebook, go look at your wall, people post things on it every five minutes, every time you refresh the page, someone else has written about how much they love you.
I cry every time I see a picture of you on the internet, every time someone says "have you heard?" or "are you going to attend..." it's terrible. You were only fifteen, God knows why you were called home so early, but no one here can make any sense of it.
Love, there's a million photos of you out there, and everyone is missing you, and I keep looking at those photos going 'wow, he had the greatest smile, and was always having fun, always fishing always just Anthony'.

I miss you.
We all miss you so very much angel.

Rest in peace beautiful.
♥

it is said that time heals all wounds, I do not agree, the wounds remain, in time the mind, protecting its sanity, covers the wounds in scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.

There is nothing better than the feeling of giving back to someone who has helped you throughout your life. 

For those of you that have younger siblings, don't you have those days where you just need them to like....disappear? Unless that really is just me, which would then be quite concerning. Anyways, my sister is into this Justin Bieber kid who just made his break into the music industry, 15, Canada, whatever. Only has one song, and she won't stop listening to it!!! I practically know the entire song by heart now because she's been listening to it ever since she heard me play it, which on my part, was a terrible mistake.
Although if it wasn't for me, my sister wouldn't have any type of good taste in music, but of course she still listens to some garbage...really cannot stand that electropop like stuff it's all the same to me.

So the ideas that I have for the book I'm going to begin to write are actually not all that bad in my opinion, I decided which idea would be the best for a storyline, plus writing it would be more personal and more people could relate to it. So wish me luck, I'm starting that sooner than later.
Speaking of books, I'm going to start reading a lot more over the summer, I have a few books that need finishing, then I'm heading out to the library and picking up a lot more books to read and brush up, I used to read so much and I've fallen behind (this makes me sound like a nerd doesn't it? Nerdfighters ;D)

Got my report card, 81 average! Never gotten an average as good as that, unfortunately because of my average last semester (75) I did not make honor roll. Blaah.

DFTBA.

Apparently I already posted today, but really, on my watch I posted yesterday. :)

Today was uneventful (what else is new), kind of got into a fight with my mom wasn't very nice but it wasn't that serious, we just both left the house to cool off, and she brought me back an iced capp hehe.
So bored though, like really I hate summertime because I have nothing to do! So what do I do? Sit around...eat...blog...yeah I'm going to get fat soon...
Actually my older sister found this work out thing and she wants me to do it with her, so we can both get back into shape together since she just had a baby. So I hope that will be fun, hopefully I won't die XD but I really could use the exercise gained a bit of weight since first semester, and you can totally tell.

I've been thinking a bit about what I want to write my book about, but I'm not sure if I want to do something like more fantasy or more real life... or maybe a mix of both? Like one of those cheesy teen witch books? Not sure yet, maybe I'll get a second opinion, or develop a vague story line for both my ideas and see which one I like best. Now that I said that idea out loud, I think I'll try it.

I am so looking forward to grade eleven to come, I'm finally a senior, even though I don't look like one, which sucks a bit. Really need a job and I need to get my marks together this year and the next if I want a shot at any decent universities. I think I can pull it off, but I'm not all that confident, I'm really going to have to give it my all, but I'm so lazy. haha! no...not really funny actually that's not good at all.

Fuck. I hate those days where you feel shitty and don't know what do to or why you feel like that. I get these days often, it's like a downward spiral, and we all know where those end up...

Z.

Listening to the movie soundtrack for the movie August Rush makes me giddy and warm and fuzzy inside (apologies for the cliche). But it really does, I love the thought of music bringing people together, especially families, plus the music is simple fantastic. I wish I could create music as beautiful as others do, maybe I could if I really put my heart into it I guess.
Something that I plan on doing this summer though is writing, or at least beginning to write, a novel. Not sure what I am going to write about really, maybe it will be one of those tragic books where the main character runs from their nightmares, falls in love, blah blah blah. I don't want it to be like every other book I've read though, I don't want it to be predictable. I need to think this one through, really put my heart into it, even if it means I have to add some personal experiences into it, so be it if that's what it takes.
I really feel like achieving something amazing. Not sure what I want to achieve yet, or how I will, but I just...want to achieve something. I feel like my life is just mediocre and bland, nothing that will get me remembered for. I want to make a change in peoples' lives, but I'm not sure how. I want to be remembered but I don't know what to be remembered by, as long as it's not a negative thing. I'm not sure about anything at this time in my life really anyways, so I try not to worry about this garbage.

This weekend is going to be lame, I can see it already. I have no one to talk to anymore, I feel like...I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore, and that no one wants to even talk to me. I feel as if everyone I thought was my friend really isn't anymore, and I'm not sure what to do. Who can I turn to now? I can't talk to some people without getting judged, or I really don't end up knowing what to do after I've talked to some other people... I feel like I need professional help just to talk to somebody! To think of it, that makes me sort of sad because well...what does that say about me? Why is it that I cannot some how connect on a personal level with people I consider my friends? I've got my family I guess, but they're not always around, not that I need someone always here, always talking and listening, I just need...someone...
I've come to realize how close I am with Rosic, even when I turn into a complete fuck up and get confused and just act retarded and send mixed signals when I do not mean to, he is still there for me! It is truly frustrating that someone could actually take all my shit and still see me in a good light. I don't get it, but maybe that's the whole point...I'm not supposed to get it, that would ruin everything.
I really hope though that what we plan will get to carry itself out, I really do want to go away to university with him and even stay at a place with him. I feel safe around him, I know nothing will happen, I know he won't try anything, there's this infinite respect for me that he has, and of course I respect him too. I see myself with him in the future, but not with him with him, which is why I feel so shitty, it's like that movie Made of Honor... the guy is best friends with this girl and she watches him get with all these girls until she falls in love and he realizes that he loves her, and it's just confusing and shitty and I don't want that to happen, because life isn't like a movie (which I have to constantly remind myself day in and out).

Is this getting long or is it just me?

Got in touch with an old old friend from when I lived in Burlington for all of like....two years haha. Miss him to death and he's really really nice, someone I can talk to, but don't realy because well there's no need, I could use one of those friends who is just their when he needs to be but I don't need to always have him there. Hopefully we will get to hang out soon, haven't seen the boy in seven years. Funny how we haven't spoken in seven years and now we talk like we never missed a day. Odd...? Not sure, probably a good thing really.

Blaah, SO excited for the new Harry Potter movie coming out. Also had an amazing night at the Lifestory Monologue show on Saturday! I love that band with a deep passion haha, I'm having Richard's babies (of course not).

Z.

Haven't posted in awhile. Nothing new really has happened. Finally finished grade ten, not sure how I did on my marks or anything lost my OEN number awhile ago... Not really worried about it, as long as I didn't get a phone call I didn't fail any classes. So that's good. But then again, the school doesn't have my new phone number either... HA

Some things have happened I guess, ...was in like the shortest relationship of life. But I don't feel like re-opening wounds, for some reason it just set me off, the whole thing. I swear it was just like before with...well...

Went to a party this weekend.. or was it last weekend? Got slightly drunk ahha, I must've been weird drunk, but that's okay I had fun and the best part was no hangover once again :)

Something I am planning on doing, hopefully once I get a solid good idea, is to write a book. I want to, I need to leave something like a book behind when I leave. I want to be remembered for doing something, I don't want to be just an occasional thought to someone at instantaneous moments.

Getting late.
Z.

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