step into my insanity...
DISCLAIMER:: Do not read if you have eleven toes. Serious side effects may include: raging and trolling.
I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect.
Everyone needs to stop breaking everything down into their ugliest parts and explaining things.
don’t see things for each microscopic atom that makes itself into something so much larger.
Whoever made them, made them impossible to see, so obviously they aren't meant to be. try to go places that you’ve never been allowed to, to see things that no one else ever has.
Fact is, we will die. But the goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.
something like a landmark, a piece of art, or even just a memory, as long as you get credit.
society is making an ideal picture that i don’t want to be apart of.-Crystal Bassous
august's rhapsody
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Listening to the movie soundtrack for the movie
August Rush makes me giddy and warm and fuzzy inside (apologies for the cliche). But it really does, I love the thought of music bringing people together, especially families, plus the music is simple fantastic. I wish I could create music as beautiful as others do, maybe I could if I really put my heart into it I guess.
Something that I plan on doing this summer though is writing, or at least beginning to write, a novel. Not sure what I am going to write about really, maybe it will be one of those tragic books where the main character runs from their nightmares, falls in love, blah blah blah. I don't want it to be like every other book I've read though, I don't want it to be
predictable. I need to think this one through, really put my heart into it, even if it means I have to add some personal experiences into it, so be it if that's what it takes.
I really feel like achieving something amazing. Not sure what I want to achieve yet, or how I will, but I just...want to achieve something. I feel like my life is just mediocre and bland, nothing that will get me remembered for. I want to make a change in peoples' lives, but I'm not sure how. I want to be remembered but I don't know what to be remembered by, as long as it's not a negative thing. I'm not sure about anything at this time in my life really anyways, so I try not to worry about this garbage.
This weekend is going to be lame, I can see it already. I have no one to talk to anymore, I feel like...I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore, and that no one wants to even talk to me. I feel as if everyone I thought was my friend really isn't anymore, and I'm not sure what to do. Who can I turn to now? I can't talk to some people without getting judged, or I really don't end up knowing what to do after I've talked to some other people... I feel like I
need professional help
just to talk to
somebody! To think of it, that makes me sort of sad because well...what does that say about me? Why is it that I cannot some how connect on a personal level with people I consider my friends? I've got my family I guess, but they're not always around, not that I need someone always here, always talking and listening, I just need...
someone...I've come to realize how close I am with Rosic, even when I turn into a complete fuck up and get confused and just act retarded and send mixed signals when I do not mean to, he is still there for me! It is truly frustrating that someone could actually take all my shit and still see me in a good light. I don't get it, but maybe that's the whole point...I'm not
supposed to get it, that would ruin everything.
I really hope though that what we plan will get to carry itself out, I really do want to go away to university with him and even stay at a place with him. I feel
safe around him, I know nothing will happen, I know he won't try anything, there's this infinite respect for me that he has, and of course I respect him too. I see myself with him in the future, but not with him with him, which is why I feel so shitty, it's like that movie Made of Honor... the guy is best friends with this girl and she watches him get with all these girls until she falls in love and he realizes that he loves her, and it's just confusing and shitty and I don't want that to happen, because life isn't like a movie (which I have to constantly remind myself day in and out).
Is this getting long or is it just me?
Got in touch with an old
old friend from when I lived in Burlington for all of like....two years haha. Miss him to death and he's really really nice, someone I can talk to, but don't realy because well there's no need, I could use one of those friends who is just their when he needs to be but I don't need to always have him there. Hopefully we will get to hang out soon, haven't seen the boy in seven years. Funny how we haven't spoken in seven years and now we talk like we never missed a day. Odd...? Not sure, probably a good thing really.
Blaah,
SO excited for the new Harry Potter movie coming out. Also had an amazing night at the Lifestory Monologue show on Saturday! I love that band with a deep passion haha, I'm having Richard's babies (of course not).
Z.
