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step into my insanity...

DISCLAIMER:: Do not read if you have eleven toes. Serious side effects may include: raging and trolling.

I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. Everyone needs to stop breaking everything down into their ugliest parts and explaining things. don’t see things for each microscopic atom that makes itself into something so much larger. Whoever made them, made them impossible to see, so obviously they aren't meant to be. try to go places that you’ve never been allowed to, to see things that no one else ever has. Fact is, we will die. But the goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. something like a landmark, a piece of art, or even just a memory, as long as you get credit. society is making an ideal picture that i don’t want to be apart of.-Crystal Bassous

I am a free willed type of person who creates styles for the fun of it;
A human dynamite, don't trigger me- I may explode anytime.
AN EXQUISITE ELEMENT of the periodic table, unlikely you'll ever know.
I hate people who do not study for exams, you need to work for what you want.
optimistic, there'll always be a rainbow after a rain, no matter how aggressive the rain is, just look for that silver lining in life.
Nothing can stop me from reaching my dreams !
Sometimes I can be a little crazy , okay.. insane
What's my secret to happiness? Music, family, friends and love ♪ just press play . ►
Sarah
Sixteen.
Canadian.Portuguese.Guyanese.
Scorpio.
Catholic.
Musician./Photographer/Doodler/Writer

I forgot to mention.

Dilan Manahan should be seriously beaten. For being a stupid mother fucking big mouthed idiot.
For saying things about Anthony, terrible, untrue things.
Like fuck, you don't say shit like that about anyone, especially about Anthony.
Dumb bastard.

I kind of get lost in my own little world sometimes, between the school stress and the family stress, there's the stress of trying to be a good girlfriend, friend and whatever else I need to do.
Plus now I've got the school newspaper, art's council, band and whatever else I'm apart of to look after too. Too many people depending on me; which could possibly result in disappointment. Which most likely, is my biggest fear. Failing others.

Like shit, I never knew that once I got old, I got responsibilities, well, I did, but not like this you know?

And just now, like shit, my fucking mother, that dumb bitch. I have things to do, she can't see that she gets in my way. I'm tired of hearing, "you're so stupid" or "stop wasting my time" or my personal favorite "I wish I'd never had you".

Yup, that's dear old mom for you...

Guess I don't have to go to appointments anymore, since she doesn't feel like getting me help, but then again, who says I even need the help? Fuck her. Fuck everything.
No one really get's what I'm going through, which is fine, I'd rather be dealing with it on my own without having to deal with pity or whatever the fuck I get these days.

Another thing is though, I don't know how to help my baby, there are obvious problems, but either I can't help or make things right or I'm not allowed to for whatever reason. It's like a wall is put up sometimes, and I can't climb over it and are not strong enough to tear it down. (Bad analogy I know). I love him so much, I wish I could do more for him, he deserves it, God knows he does, but I haven't found out how to help him other than being there for him...

Kind of upset that I have to give back my iTouch, lame. But still, I did offer to give it back haha!

Really almost blew it last night. Did something stupid, broke a promise. I cannot remember the last or even first time I had disappointed someone like that, and to make matters worse, I yelled at him. And he was the one mad at me, and the entire time, he never even once raised his voice. Foolish? Me? Yep.
I somehow manage to fuck up things, it's like I wake up and the world goes "here comes Sarah everyone run before she ruins you". Wouldn't surprise me at all.

Anyways...
DFTBA. (But really, you probably will).

So I had a fantastic day today.
No fourth period class, just chilling watching sumo fights and other fun stuff, joking around with friends you know, the jist of things.

Later on tonight is the Fall Fair which I'm excited for, last year was amazing ahah so it should be just as great this year too. :)
This weekend is my dad's weekend though, which is sort of a bummer because I wanted to throw a jam or something while my mommy was away, but there will be plenty of time for that, I guess.

I noticed that I mostly start off these posts with something about what happened, or how in love I am or how the day went or whatever. Does that annoy anyone?
Might as well keep going then.
Basically was sick all day, didn't go to school, h to pee in a cup, bla bla bla.

Then I find out that the group project for English that's due tomorrow isn't near finished, so I basically finish it all myself. Which is fine, but not.

Toronto Maple Leafs game tomorrow, awesome seats, my baby is coming too, so it should be fun.

I'll talk about the game tomorrow :)
DFTBA.

I feel like everything is going well. Minus the stress of school, trying to make sure I get exceptional marks and keep them that way is really dragging me down and pulling at my energy lately. Few break downs have occurred.
Mr.A yelled at me the other day, and I tried to pretend like I wasn't scared of him or at all intimidated, so instead of standing tall and strong, I started to cry. Fuck. Now I'm going to be one of the kids that he talks about like he does with us one day, the kid who was stubborn but a great kid, haha, those stories are always funny.
I was reading this book today, and it started off with this lady getting married to the love of her life, and the way she was, all nervous but like a happy nervous, it made me even more excited for marriage. I can't wait to walk down the isle, and get to look at someone who (hopefully) will be smiling at me, that someone that I get to spend the rest of my life with. I know it's weird, but I can't wait.

Some more good news, I am most likely going on two school trips this year! The band trip to Cleveland and then the history and law trip to New York! I've always wanted to go to NY, and well I've never really been to the states, so it should be a fun new experience. Really excited for that, hopefully my dad pulls through and doesn't chince out on me.

Joining a shit load of clubs this year, I need to get a whole bunch of extra curriculars so that my university applications look really good. I need those few extra things that can help me out, but I know I'll figure it out, not to be swollen with pride or anything, but I know I can do it. My mom says that I can do anything I want, and I will.

Looking forward to the party on Friday, well it's more like dinner and a movie, but it's for a friend and it'll be like a party, a birthday party. I know it's no jam or whatever, but of course, I can't wait for my mom to go places this year so I can throw some crazy parties myself, the house is big enough, and no one would be around much really, so it's perfect.

DFTBA.

I have come to the understanding that bad times can only lead to good times. That the rain must always be followed by a rainbow or at least the sun. There can never be unhappiness without happiness because at first you had to be happy.

You say you truly love me, but the way you treat me says otherwise...

There's a future in the fucking...

So broken...

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