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step into my insanity...

DISCLAIMER:: Do not read if you have eleven toes. Serious side effects may include: raging and trolling.

I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. Everyone needs to stop breaking everything down into their ugliest parts and explaining things. don’t see things for each microscopic atom that makes itself into something so much larger. Whoever made them, made them impossible to see, so obviously they aren't meant to be. try to go places that you’ve never been allowed to, to see things that no one else ever has. Fact is, we will die. But the goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. something like a landmark, a piece of art, or even just a memory, as long as you get credit. society is making an ideal picture that i don’t want to be apart of.-Crystal Bassous

I am a free willed type of person who creates styles for the fun of it;
A human dynamite, don't trigger me- I may explode anytime.
AN EXQUISITE ELEMENT of the periodic table, unlikely you'll ever know.
I hate people who do not study for exams, you need to work for what you want.
optimistic, there'll always be a rainbow after a rain, no matter how aggressive the rain is, just look for that silver lining in life.
Nothing can stop me from reaching my dreams !
Sometimes I can be a little crazy , okay.. insane
What's my secret to happiness? Music, family, friends and love ♪ just press play . ►
Sarah
Sixteen.
Canadian.Portuguese.Guyanese.
Scorpio.
Catholic.
Musician./Photographer/Doodler/Writer

I'm so excited. (and I just can't hide it...)
HA!
So, a school dance is coming up, I know my date/boyfriend isn't that pumped. BUT I AM :D
No idea why though, only thing I'm not looking forward to is all the slutty dancing, granted, I may partake in all this, but, granted, I will still maintain my high level of self respect. (Which if you didn't catch on, is the difference between me and ...well three girls haha)

School is getting busy, although I'm not as stressed as I usually am, which is good right? Religions essay due Wednesday, Sybil questions aren't due for a long while, although, should probably avoid leaving it to the last minute... English culminating is going to kill me though, I just know it.

What can I say? Sometimes... sometimes I feel like I'm too friendly, and people don't see that exactly, and someone ends up getting hurt. I won't go into any detail, but sometimes it's like... Hey? Can't guys and girls be friends and that's all? That's all that this is, wish some people could see that... Plus, I don't understand the whole jealousy thing, so I guess I can't get too into this anyway because I don't understand the other side of this whole thing.

Disregard that whole bit above. I just realized how stupid it sounds. No sense make.

DFTBA.

P.S. So...I want some snow Canada. *holds breath* *crosses fingers*

I'm out of control.

I debated on whether or not to write a blog today. But I guess some stuff did happen, which were more or less important enough for me to bitch and whine about here :)

So, a few posts ago, I ranted about people breaking my trust. Yeah, my bad.
Sometimes, I admit, I can jump to quick conclusions, and, as a kind friend pointed out, it's hard to argue with me once I've made up my mind. I probably scare people sometimes, which is ridiculous considering my size. But yeah, I want to apologize to the victim of my wrath. (Not really my wrath, it was more like the ULTIMATE COLD SHOULDER...EVAR!) Haha, to put it in simpler terms. I do feel particularly bad about this whole thing too, because one, I need to learn to get my facts straight and two, well, this person is so nice, and I should've (SHOULD'VE SHOULD BE A WORD DARNIT) stopped and realized that this person really wouldn't have done that in the first place.
I felt terrible after today, because I bummed the kid out too. Like... sometimes I guess I under estimate the impact I have on people sometimes? I forget people do care... Blah.

Aside from being a terrible, mean person, I'm eating a tub of ice cream. Gross. Listening to Christmas music and wishing for snow, oh yeah. I contimplated on drawing some more like I did yesterday, but I don't wanna... Again, wish I could scan some of them, I'm proud of a few. And still excited over my new pencil crayons XD.

I wonder if whoever reads these thinks I'm messed. Awesome.

DFTBA.

Okay first things first.

"My stupid mouth, has got me in trouble, I said too much again..."

So today was uneventful and just plain lame.
Did a lot of thinking today, mostly about the current situation, I'm worried about dealing with this crap on Monday, I'm dreading fourth period. I'm dreading third as well, which is my favorite class. I can't believe I'm letting one person ruin my day, my entire weekend and now school.
I am not supposed to feel safe everywhere I go? Should I be able to keep and confide secrets, and not have them acknowledged to the world? Broadcasted? Fuck.
I hate myself for ever trusting that kid.
But enough about it. I won't let this take over my life, I won't get angry anymore, I won't take it out on myself either, because that is just letting them win.

Now...I cannot think of anything to talk about. Darn.

So I heard you like mudkips? LOL!

I should try getting to bed earlier. Last night I went to sleep around midnight, and didn't wake up until around one! Is that healthy?

Something I need to get off my chest. I'm pretty pissed that my article hasn't been posted on the school website. Dammit, I'm pissed. I stood out in the fucking rain and freezing cold to watch that damn game and stayed up really late to finish it. Dammit, dammit, dammit.
I'm done with this. It pisses me off, because also, I don't even have an article to write this month, because apparently I am easily forgotten about. It's ridiculous. Plus, I'm the only one who knows about football, so who else could have written that shit? I don't understand it anymore, I'm pretty much done dealing with all of this. I hate putting in effort and getting nothing in return, no regards or even something to feel accomplished about.

Great. Now I'm in a 'polly pissy pants' mood again.

DFTBA...


Dammit. I did it again.
I trusted.
I told someone something that no one else knows, and I get slapped in the face with it.
Why?
No idea. But apparently I've had it coming. Things only get worse before they get better right?
I am just so sick of people proving me wrong, I hate that I'm stupid, that I trusted in this kid, or in anyone for that matter.
Now everyone thinks I'm a crazy psycho bitch who wants attention. Which is not what I want, actually, it's the farthest thing from it. I didn't announce this, I didn't want anyone to know.
I felt that I could confide in a friend, that someone was worried about me and deserved to know the truth instead of the regular, sugar coated, "I'm fine" with the totally fake smile and laughter that follows.
Pitiful isn't it?

On a side note, why is it that when I'm with the love of my life, I seem to ruin it? Or why is it, that I get so worked up, and then when I get faced with a specific situation, I choke? OR WHY IS IT, that nothing ever goes right anymore and that my life is spirally down, down, down until I will finally hit rock bottom. I can't do anything right anymore!

I seem to mess everything up these days, or lead things into a more complicated or uncomfortable situation.
Like...take the previous post, as I assumed that no one actually reads this, apparently people do, which, obviously you can picture how that turned out...
Sometimes, speaking your mind can get you into a lot of trouble, but it's kind of a ctach 22 isn't it? I'd rather be too outspoken then be silent for my entire life. I'd rather be too loud then not loud enough, because that's no way to be remembered.

Despite the fact that I seem to cause trouble everywhere I go, I guess I have some good news.
I'M PASSING ENGLISH.
You out there reading this may not be as excited as I am, but we got out essays back (and I dare say I did very well) and she told us our mid-term marks. I'm pretty pumped, because, I'm doing well, instead just grazing by.
But on the other hand, I basically got a zero on a unit test in religion, so I'm sure that will not go over well on my mid-term :S

Remember when there used to be super fun concerts in Milton? Yeah....those are over, and I'm pretty fucking bummed. I miss hearing new bands dammit.

This weekend....this weekend. I'm scared about how it's going to turn out. Don't really have any concrete plans, I tried to make some, so we'll see where that goes. My love is grounded unfortunately, so in order to not be bored out of my mind I need to make these plans darn it. Otherwise, I might be blogging hourly over the weekend. Ha. Ha....(dies inside).

DFTBA!

I'm pissed.

The title is completely irrelevant to the topic of this, besides the fact that Glee is one of the best television shows ever.

Remembrance Day is tomorrow, have to play in the band for the thing at school, hopefully I won't mess up while playing Adagio for Strings, amazing piece, sooo hard, but it was definitely worth all the practice. Pumped to be playing first trombone for Abide With Me, I never get first haha but yeah, pretty stoked :)

Note to self : Get an agenda.

Trying (and failing) to catch up on English homework, it's not that it's difficult, but I'm just so lazy sometimes.

Life's been a bit tough lately, mostly with the family. My dad is not making anyone's life easier, and he's just pissing my mom off so much to the point where she goes insane every once and a while. They both are not handling this divorce well at all, they're acting like children. My mom wants to move, my dad is stalking us, he's a creeper, she's melodramatic. This can only end in a whole shit load of court shit that I do not want to be a part of. Plus, if I have to move, I'll be pissed, and I will not move with her, I swear. I cannot bear the thought of leaving Milton, I want to graduate with my friends at BR, it wouldn't be fair to me or to my sister. We need something to keep us stable, and making us start over is not the way to do it. I need my friends in order to get through this, and especially, most importantly, I need my baby. I get sick to my stomach when I think about what would happen if I moved far away from him. Not seeing him every day... I think it would kill us both.

Anyways...

DFTBA.

Finally sixteen!
Well, I was sixteen on Tuesday, but I was suffering from swine flu (H1N1 for those who like to be politically correct), and I wasn't up to blogging.

I'm kind of pissed, I'm a part of the school's newspaper, and I handed in a great article about the first school football game, and it hasn't been posted. Pretty cheesed, and I also wasn't given an assignment for this months issue, which again, sucks.

I believe I need to start keeping an agenda, it's getting hard to keep up with all the meetings and due dates I have.

Oh, also. DFTBA, I thought I mentioned this, means Don't Forget To Be Awesome. It's a nerdfighter thing, don't worry too much about it :)

DFTBA!

Haven't posted in a long time. Lots of stuff to catch up on more or less, (hence the title).
Guess I'll start from most recent to oldest news, since I remember what happened recently more clearly...

So today, been sick really bad cough, body aches but now it's significantly better than this morning; let's hope it stays that way. My baby is sick too :( And worse than I am. I can only imagine how much that sucks, hope we both get better soon.

Went to Fear Fest last night, pretty frightened while I was there of course, stupid clowns and things jumping out at me. Definitely not a good idea to close and open my eyes while going through the mazes. Ate at the buffet before hand, with Sarah and Jake as well, they're both so funny, I seriously get tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

So I figure this was on the same day, there's this whole drama with this bitch that I know. And I'm so tired of it, she and her other bitch friend threatened me and all this shit, and yeah, not gunna lie, I'm intimidated since they're both really big girls, but the fuck? I didn't anything to either of them, and I'm just not interested in the drama. I hate girls that are like that. They get bored with their lives, so they start drama and try to ruin other peoples lives.

Finished my first essay of the semester, somewhat confident about it, I like the conclusion that I wrote, but I really hope I do well on this, I need the high marks.

Decided on going to Guelph University, it's a top school that I'm interested in, the others are okay, but I really hope to get accepted there after grade twelve. Which reminds me, I need to get a damn job...

My 16th birthday is coming up, what a time to have it though, I'll always remember that my parents got a divorce when I was 16, fantastic. And I don't get anything special really, which is kind of a let down, but it doesn't matter, as long as I get to spend time with the ones I love.

On Thursday (yeah, this isn't really in order anymore, sorry), I got to go see the Simon Bolivar Youth Orchestra of Venezuela. Phenomenal, when I saw these guys, I got shivers and goosebumps, I love when music is that great that my whole body takes notice. Plus, it's always nice to have a school day off.

Friday, the day before Halloween, pretty much got the day off school again too (missing a lot of it this past week). Dressed up as a geisha for the costume contest, apparently it wasn't an original idea... Then I was in the haunted house all day long, until fourth, which I didn't go to because I was exhausted.

Wonder if I should buy Matthew another ring, I feel bad that he's so upset that it got stolen, it wasn't his fault. Still, it's fun to tease him about it :P...

Lost train of thought...

DFTBA.

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